Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
