apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
