the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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