forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
