it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
