i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
