the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize