just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
