from now on my penis is your penis
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
