for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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