True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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