I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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