did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
