McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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