Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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