My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
