We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
