update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she smelled like a LAN party
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
