It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
birth control should be required to get into college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
