My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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