So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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