so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
