you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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