Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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