im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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