I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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