I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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