she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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