The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
