ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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