We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just threw up on my dentist
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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