remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize