I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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