I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize