Will you blow on my dice?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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