You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
