I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
