end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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