That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
