Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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