We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize