Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
