I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
