HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
