So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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