So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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