I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
