stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
