I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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