We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just found out that she named her cat after me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
