WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
