You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
