Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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