Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
