But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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