i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
