i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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