I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize