So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
