I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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