remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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