Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
